The Devil's Law Dictionary by Harold A. Justman
	Guarantor: Someone who agrees to pay for another's mistakes. Gavel: A mallet which is given to a judge when he or she is appointed by the Governor; the proper use of a gavel is lost in history and unknown today. Hearing de Novo: A new hearing in which a reviewing court substitutes its mistaken judgment for the original court's mistaken judgment. Hearsay: A statement by a witness which you don't want the judge or jury to hear said. Honor: What you call a judge when the judge is in the courtroom or in chambers or wearing robes or otherwise feeling important. House Counsel: A lawyer who prefers the promise of a regular salary from one client as opposed to a potential hourly fee from many clients. Hung Jury: A jury irreconcilably divided in opinion as to which party had the better lawyer. Hypothetical Question: A form of question framed in such a manner and based on a series of assumptions which will compel an expert to say what the lawyer wants him or her to say. Injunction: A court order to not do something which you want to do. Immaterial: Evidence which fails to pique the curiosity of a judge. In Camera Proceedings: A hearing in the judge's chambers when evidence has really piqued the curiosity of the judge. In Propria Persona: A legal stratagem whereby the court allows parties who cannot afford an attorney to represent themselves so that said parties can only blame themselves when the court commits an injustice. Judge: A lawyer who knows the Governor or is useful to the Governor's political party. Jury: Persons selected to apply the common ignorance of a community to the task of rendering a verdict with or without considering the law as instructed to them by a judge. Justice: A judgment believed to be available in heaven but rarely found in court; also, a judgment which no party to a court proceeding seeks to obtain. Knowledge: Acquaintance with a fact which can be of two types: actual - when personal cognizance is shown; constructive - when almost everybody knows a fact and you should have known it. Law: The decision of a majority of politicians regarding what residents of their political district can and cannot do; also, the decision of one judge regarding what he or she thinks your client can or cannot do. Lawyer: An attorney who is skilled in circumventing the law for mammon or in expectation of mammon.